Yes.No.Maybe

Yes.Maybe.No.
Three itsy bitsy words that have been embedded in our heads as girls from the first time we liked a boy. When we’re younger it’s pretty easy to tell if you’re official or not…If his notebook says I ♥ so and so on it, you’re in like Flint (I always thought it was FLynn, apparently it's FLINT! WHO knew!?). If he lets you borrow his hoodie or a movie…GOLDEN. If you’re still confused, you pass him some origami shaped note with the simple phrase: Do you Like ME? Yes. No. Maybe. Circle One. And as untrained, naïve boys they usually answered us honestly. The older we get, the harder it is to tell if we’re their girlfriend…they’re girl…friend orrrr simply just their “I’m gonna call her the instant I’m a hornball” friend. We can’t pass them a note anymore and if we dare ask if we are “official,” we look like marriage hungry losers. Puff.
And it’s not like we’re asking after 5 minutes of dating, or whatever it is we’re doing. Typically, you’ve already done the deed, met some friends, maybe even the parents…but the second you throw out the word GIRLFRIEND they act like little lab rats shuttering from the sight of a lab coat. Talk about awkward! Very rarely does a guy say, “Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you and I don’t want to date, rail or spend most of my time with anyone else.” Because if they say that they might as well say, “I’m agreeing to sleep with you, and only you until we break up.” The thought of commitment typically scares boys right out of their damn britches. It’s like love is a little war to them and the second the girlfriend bomb is dropped, they think RETREAT, RE-EFFING-TREAT! Puff.
UNFORTUNATELY, once again, Facebook has created a status monster. If his status says “single,” when in fact, he’s dating YOU…it might as well say, “Chick I’m sleeping with and seeing everyday just isn’t quite awesome enough to announce to my 535 FB friends that I’m dating her yet.” Hmph and Puff! I wish our status could say, “He kinda has a small weeny, is scared of commitment and LIKES greys anatomy, but I like him anyway!” That would be faneffingtastic. Puff.
So, this begs the question…How in the world are we supposed to know without asking!? Do we wait for them to introduce us as their “girl,” and does “my girl” mean girlfriend!? How long do we effing wait for them to invite us to be in an effing relationship on Facebook(and p.s.- Have I mentioned that FB is a spawn for all things jealousy and neuroticism!?) Moving on… Why in the world can’t we ask!? I mean, sheesh, it’s not like we’re getting any younger! To make matters more confusing, unlike when we had their hoodie in high school, if we end up with a pair of their pajama bottoms, or even meet their mom, who by the way loves us, this STILL doesn’t mean you’re OFFICIAL. PUFF.
While there’s no official answer to the official question, I say go ahead and ask em and if he acts like a punk, then at least you didn’t waste your damn time! Yes. No. Maybe. We may not be passing notes, we may not be claiming hoodies, but these boys should be writing our names allllll ovvah their proverbial notebooks, and if they aren’t then move.the heck.on! De-puff!