She's a Bitch...

Some days it just hits me. Women...are bitches. Living in the uber religious state that is Virginia, I've learned that bitches can really be classified in different categories. We've already covered the "Skinny Bitches" so we won't revisit that one, but the vast aray of mean and vindictive women on this planet is nothing short of amazing.
Let's discuss the religious hypocritical bitch...she'll tell you that she prayed for you last night because she heard you curse, but you better believe she'll judge ya and practically burn holes in your skin with the way she looks at you! She'll demand a corner office, thinks gays are an "abomination" and will be the first one to take 97 "Free samples," but it's ok, because shes " a christian." Puff.
On to the next one. The Fake Bitch. For the record, don't invite people who you don't like or vice versa to any sort of event...wedding, baby shower, bat mitsfah...whatever...just don't do it. Fake Bitches will do this JUST so they a)look like they aren't bitches 2)know there's a chance to humiliate you and c)When you leave crying the fake bitch can say,"I was making an effort by inviting her!" The "fake" in fake bitch may as well say "vindictive, selfish condescending whoreface." These are my least favorite. These bitches kill you with kindness and tell you they like your shirt, and then go to their gaggle of other bitches and say "Eww, do you see her shirt!? Sooo ugly!" These girls will swoop up your boyfriend...and your best friends allll while playing buddy, buddy with you, and before you know it, you've been blindsided. This happens all too often and these bitches deserve a warning sign on their foreheads.
The Driving Bitch. These ladies have serious road balls. Not only will they flash a middle acrylic fingernail at you in a heartbeat, but they'll do it alll while going 38 in a 65. These ladies don't dare roll down their window, and the second you're at a stop light next to her, she "has a phone call!" Ha! Puff.
Are we all guilty of being a little bitchy sometimes? Sure thing! You betcha! Case and point...this blog. Someone I know once said to me about a bitch encounter, " She knows what she's doing, and he (as in The head honcho upstairs) knows what she's doing. When you do good...you feel good. When you do bad, you feel bad." And that, my friends, is all that really matters. But I say it feels a little bit better to be nice...genuinely nice...no fakeness or middle acrylic fingernails necessary. Depuff.