"You look like a Million Bucks"...This phrase has an entirely new meaning to me as of this past weekend. A few weeks ago I bought a pair of designer jeans at a SUPER discount, and every time I wear them I feel like I need to yank my shirt up just a smidge so that the gold tag embellished pocket can glisten for all to see. Of course I wear these designer duds with my $6 Old Navy Shoes and plain white long sleeved shirt I got on clearance at kohls for $2.90. Sidenote...Kohls has AMAZING sales...and their candles! Yum! I digress. I found myself on Sunday walking around a swanky mall feelin good cause I had my fancy pants on. I even had the balls to walk into Nordstrom like I owned the joint...and there it was...Puff.
A gaggle of pre pubescent, soccer playing, brace faced thirteen year olds covered in so much name brand gorgeousness I had to take a picture. There was Michael Kors, Coach, The North Face, Rockin Republic AND I think in the midst of all that couture I even saw a Prada...a real one. I felt an instant high off of seeing such gorgeousness, such lavishness...such, wait... when I was 13 my mom took me to Bradlees and I was lucky if I even got Hanes undies and these little brats and their rubber band mouths get MY (as in the one I've been socking away $25 a month for!) Michael Kors bag! PUUUUFFFFF!
I...was...jealous of these little twits (hence my bitterness and juvenile remarks about said 13 year olds!)who didn't work a damn day in their life to earn such perfection hanging from their still growing arms! Do they even realize how lucky they are to have such greatness!? Surely not. And then I started thinking about the kids in their school...who can barely afford the Faded Glory brand from Wal Mart and have no idea who Michael Kors is. I remember the first time I saw a GAP bag...I was in eighth grade and saw the navy blue bag with those fantastic white letters. I said "What is G-A-P?" to the popluar bitch holding the bag. "Hahahahah you guys, you guys, she doesn't know what the GAP is! Don't you ever like shop at the mall!?" No, you stupid horse faced slut (she wasn't then, but sistah friend had about 3 kids by the age of 18...suck it!)...I don't shop at the mall, we umm, can't afford it. I had never felt so embarassed or worthless. Contemplative Puff...
Seeing these little pre-madonnas at Nordstrom brought me right back to eighth grade and I instantly wanted to wrap my whole body in my plain white Tee...with no visibility of the "coolness" on my back pocket. I realized that status is like a blind taste test. Dr. Thunder vs. Dr. Pepper...Dr. Thunder may in fact taste better, but Docttttahhh Pepppah's got the name and it's $1.25 for a can, not 25 cents. Wow."Wow, I love those jeans, what are they!?" Common, common question in a group of women. You better hope you're wearing something noteworthy orrrrr you simply say, "I can't remmmember what kind these are..but I got them at Nordy's!" When you know full well...you got em on super clearance at Target. God Bless TJ MAXX...at least they make it possible to own at least one pair of fancy pants and not promise your first born to the sales clerk! Apprently expensive dictates cool, but um, have ya seen a runway show...That shit is UG-UH-LEEEE and I wouldn't be caught dead in half of it! Vomit and Puff!
Are we happier when we have money to buy whatever we want and not have to worry about bills? You bet your ass. Would it have been nice to be born into the Lucky Sperm Club where everything is simply handed to us? I used to think so. But then I met said members of this elite "club" and realized not only do they have any regard for society or the less fortunate, but most of the luckey speremers I know...druggies and sluts. Excellent. No thanks. I have zero respect for people who don't earn what they have and don't appreciate the things they are GIVEN. Whoever thinks money makes you a good person...no dice my friend, no dice. Do the C's on your coach bag make you a better person...Hell to the No. Are my no name flats the most comforable shoes I've ever worn? Yes...sweet Jesus I love them! When you're down in the dumps and need a shoulder to cry on, do you care if that shoulder is decorated in Hanes or Ann Taylor? Nope! I walked away from Nordstrom hoping with all my heart that that gaggle of tweens fully appreciates what they're flaunting allll over their eighth grade classrooms...because somewhere in that class there's a little girl wearing no name jeans and has no idea what The Gap is...and that, pre-madonnas, is A-Ok.De...puff.
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